The two golden rules of conversation

Welcome, all you dynamic conversationalists.

I present to you the two golden rules that,as Sheldon Cooper would say, convert your conversation into a conver-sensation! Moreover,this way,things are just cleaner,direct and accurate.OK,maybe not cleaner.

1.Replace anything before a but,including the but,with 'fuck you'.

Before: Your suggestions are brilliant and compelling but I'll marry Amy.
After: Fuck you I'll marry Amy.

2.Replace anything after because,excluding the because,with 'fuck you'.

Before:I'm going to marry Amy because she is beautiful,sophisticated,funny and we love each other.
After: I'm going to marry Amy because fuck you.

Make the world a better place to communicate in with these powerful tools.Also,have fun talking with jerks :D

A Beginning

Hi Viewer,

I see you are here.To acknowledge your presence at my blog,I'm going to recite a poem for you.

I once wished I'd write you a letter
But I don't know who you are
If you're a hot girl I'm sure I love you
But you'll have to pay at the bar
If you're a dude,don't mess with me,I'm evil
Just like,share and leave
But not if you have lots of money
New ventures interest you, I believe?

I also believe 'Whatever doesn't kill you,simply makes you stranger',but more of that later.While you are here,I would like to take this opportunity to lay down the shape of my future writings.

From now on,all posts on this space will be sarcastic,snide,vulgar and attempted humorously in order to grab attention *BOOBIES* of potential viewers.All philosophical and sensible material will be outsourced to (INDIA) other blogs run by me.

Best Regards!

The art of inception

Hello to you, who accidentally stumbled across this blog and decided to give this post a go!Congratulations! you will not regret this!

This post is about a research finding based upon Christopher Nolan's Inception.
Ever since I saw the movie,it intrigued me to figure out a way to plant dreams in my own head,because honestly- I never dream!All my nights are simply dreamless blank resting endeavors.And one night,while wetting my pants in bed,I hit upon the formula!

As it turns out,you don't need to do anything.Your brain will plant a dream in order to fulfill an urge.Suppose you want to void your bladder,you are asleep, and you have sub consciously instructed your body- not to get up! Also,you have been trained to pee only in the toilet.Your brain knows this,and thus it weaves a web of illusion, in HD!

The dream starts with you sleeping in your room,in your bed, in your most usual posture.Not an iota of doubt can linger in the mind of the beholder.All the settings are exactly the same as you left them.Then you get up as normally as you can and walk to the toilet.Soon enough,you realize the warmth slowly engulfing you. Before you know it, tadaa----- You have successfully peed your pants.You wake up again,distraught in a pool of urine, only to realize that your own brain has tricked you into this.While you surely hate this,you cannot but admire the detail and sheer genius of this illusion.

But this is not all.This was just planting a single dream.What about a dream within a dream?
While peeing induces reflexes that are enough to wake you up even from the deepest slumber,salivating or spitting can only bring you out of one level.So picture this-

You are in a restaurant with your partner.It's very romantic.You're having the most amazing time of your life.You don't remember how you came here,but who cares?You go to the washroom,but before washing your face,you decide to spit in the fancy bowl with a tap,because its cool.As soon as you spit,you wake up in your bed,and realize what's happened.So you get up,go to the wash basin,spit out your saliva again,and behold---you wake up again! And that is when you realize what your brain is capable of.

So there you have it.Now you know the secret of inception.Search for slower triggers and plant higher levels of nested dreams! And in the meantime,induce your own dreams,wet your bed and enjoy!

( I wonder what Christopher Nolan did to figure this out? : / )

Indian Ad Films

I often stumble across poorly directed ad films, especially while watching my favorite programmes.And although these 'commercials' are for already acclaimed brands and hugely popular products sometimes,I strongly believe they are stupid,only because they are meant to be.The director could have easily been logical, but who wants that?

I know we all remember the epic 'Dhara-Jalebi' ad or most of the old Nirma ads.But what about the ones that made boo-boo. Just because they weren't good enough,you'll forget them, eh?

I am here for the upliftment of the poorest of ad films in our market.I'll revive the long forgotten,funny-in-their-own-way ads and hoist them on every wall I can lay my hands on.You can run away from us now,but we will hump you eventually.   

Nevertheless, I enjoy a funny ad film,just as much as I enjoy an unintentionally humorous hindi movie.For more on that,I recommend you read this,if you are not already a fan thevigilidiot.com

Here’s one of my favorites-

I'm sure you've noticed the hero 5 year warranty ad- 'mile jyada se bhi more', where the owner insists on 'ek aur nariyal'. I just love the funky-dude-look-guy who dances in his funky-dude-style,with his fingers pointing in random directions and his out of place goatee.Its like a Metallica fan enjoying a Sadhna sargam concert.Man,I just love him! He’s so good,all goodness suffers in comparison!!

Catch out!

Just wondering, how did they come up with the 'catch out' rule in cricket?I mean,bowled was straight forward;you are unable to defend your wickets,so you're dismissed.Even run out follows standard conventions.Being unable to reach your target before the ball.But the 'catch out' logic has always eluded me.Its one of the few innovations in the game,because playing the ball in the air does not prove any faltering in the shot play.It is a manipulated rule which further gives rise to the 'six run' rule awarded for a risky loft over the boundary.

Cricket would have been completely different without 'catch out'.I'm guessing,initially it started with just 'bowled'.But then,batsmen wouldn't get out.Only one side kept on batting(initially it was an unlimited over edition),and the game became too boring.Later 'catch out' was introduced as an additional way to dismiss the batsman,and hence came the 'six' rule;additional runs for the risky boundary!

I feel its the most sought after rule,I'm sure a lot of thinking was involved before they came up with it.Still,I'd love to know who came up with this rule that changed the game for the better.